she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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