Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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