why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
