I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
