just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
