Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
