The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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