i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
