Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
