You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
