She is in my trunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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