Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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