I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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