I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
