I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
