too bad you live with your parents still
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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