If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
