if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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