I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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