I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
