I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
