If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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