She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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