I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
