i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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