Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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