Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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