I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
