hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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