Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
