so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
