Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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