woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
smell my finger.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
