I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
