Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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