I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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