From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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