I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
