don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
