her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
