rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
