He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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