we have officially lost it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
