Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
