I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I deserve this hangover.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
