Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i think i just lost a toe
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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