sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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