The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
