he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
