She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
