gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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